careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
