discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
