so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
