Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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