this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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