I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
