I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
