"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
