your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hippo gnu deer
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
