my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
