I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
