cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
