she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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