so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Randomize
