I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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