you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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