DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
