I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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