I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
