thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
