That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
