you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh