i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.