I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i now understand why vodka
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have