I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?