Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER