ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
