Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
