Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
