you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
