Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
