so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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