I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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