i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
