Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
