We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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