we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
