Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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