end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
