Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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