dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
