It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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