thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
