I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
