Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
