It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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