I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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