please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
