me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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