is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
