when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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