I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
