So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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