I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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