I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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