And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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