Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
