bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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