Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
