I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
