So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
