My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
