i was born a porn star she said
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
