there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
