my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
