You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
