Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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