I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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