Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
