So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
