Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
