I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
