Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
