Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
