i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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