Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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